Monday, June 11, 2012

Meditation 42: Should Same Sex Marriages be Prohibited?


It is strange that such a simple word as "marriage" turns out to be ideological dynamite. At least in the Western world, everyone knew, or thought they knew, what marriage is, an institution ordained by the Almighty that joins a man and a woman in holy wedlock.  This 'sacred' meaning of marriage belongs to a broadly Christian view.  If marriage is defined as the union of a man and a woman, then the idea of a same sex marriage makes no sense at all.  Why then should it be prohibited?  It is impossible in the sacred sense, so why worry whether others wish to use the word "marriage" in a wider sense, no longer sacred, in which a marriage is now a relationship of two human beings, and we no longer specify the gender of the partners.

Of course, in some sacred settings, there will be a prohibition on same sex marriage, and there is nothing wrong with that as long as everyone's participation is voluntary.  These people simply will not use the word "marriage" to describe a close, long-lived loving relation between human beings of the same sex. This is a free choice, but it is not one that should seek to prevent others from saying that they are married, even if such a union does not find a sacred seal.

The civil society created by the separation of church and state in the United States Constitution guarantees that each law abiding citizen is free to live and worship as she or he pleases.  If you are not hurting anyone in thinking, believing or acting as you do, then no one has a right to make you conform to their standards of right and wrong, propriety or impropriety, morality or immorality.  I may find someone's life empty of meaning, superficial, and boring, but is not my business to give it meaning, bring depth to the soul, or somehow make the person more interesting.  Disapproving of someone's lifestyle is one thing, prohibiting it is another.

The uproar over same sex marriage rests on confusion about the sacred and the secular.  A useful first step is to consider the nature of a "civil union."  Marriage, after all, is more than a sacred bond; it is also recognition of a certain civil status that is given to married couples.  What is it that human beings want in a marriage?  What rights and privileges are given to married couples that are not given unmarried individuals?  What do same sex couples want that already belong to heterosexual couples, but not to them?  Are there any good reasons for making a distinction between the sexes here? Why should we stop same sex couples from entering into the same legal arrangements as husbands and wives?  There are no compelling secular reasons to prohibit same sex marriages, nor to use religious sanctions to prohibit them. Sealing marriage with a sacred wedding is optional and a matter of personal faith.  It should not be made the vehicle of public policy.

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