Meditation 75: Sudden Death

Sudden death does not mean a thing to the person who dies. The meaning is all for those who are left behind: family, friends, associates and even enemies. “Ask not for whom the bell tolls, it tolls for thee.” The suddenness of ‘sudden death’ strikes those of us still living as a tear in the veil of indefinite existence behind which we try to live, if we can. Sometimes we are forced to look mortality in the face, as when confronted by imminent death due to disease or execution, but this is not the normal course of life.

Most of the time, we would rather not think about death, nor about our tomorrows coming inevitably to an end. Instead, we plan to make plans, talk about next week, next month or next year, as if these futures are, without question, ours to own. When a friend dies suddenly, what one sees is a myriad of plans suddenly without issue. There is the missed lunch date, the vacation abroad in the spring, the next car payment, and so on. There was that trip you were going to take together, and it was always “next year.” Well, now there is no ‘next year’. You can make the trip yourself, but it will not be the same.  All those commitments and concerns are now no longer the concern of the suddenly dead. They either become the concerns of others, or they vanish into thin air.

This is how it feels when someone you know suddenly dies. One day the person is there, full of life, and the next, completely gone except for the memories in the heads of others. There is no replacement for the dead, just holes in one’s life where there used to be friends, lovers and family. The elderly know this well. The dead live on in us, but their life is attenuated and fades with the passing of time. In the end they become just another part of the tapestry of one’s life.

Is there anything to learn from a friend’s sudden death? The first is to realize, again, just how fragile is human life. Though we are strong to live, our lives can be smashed in a million different ways. This thought gives urgency to living each day to the full, experiencing life with all its ups and downs.  It reminds us not to put off for tomorrow the things we want to do today. It teaches us not to be anxious about tomorrow or next year. Sudden death shows us just how crazy it is to get upset at all the minor obstacles and accidents that life gives us. Anything that gets in the way of living well, with intelligence and verve, is to be avoided. We have time only for what is necessary for us. Sudden death makes us think of what is necessary for our lives and shed the superficial concerns that prevent us from living well. It is the last gift to us from the suddenly dead.